For the first time in my life, I was in true love.


I thought about him all the time, and I never got tired of looking at him for hours.


I really, really loved him.


But I lost my love without a moment's hesitation.


I had gathered up all my courage and confessed my feelings to him while trembling, but he dumped me without hesitation.


It was so easy that I couldn't help but laugh involuntarily.


But in my heart, I was crying.


Even now, I am crying in my heart.


I am crying while laughing.


And when it becomes too painful to laugh, I run away to this secret place and cry until my tears run dry.




“Excuse me, I'm Hirose.”


I knocked on the door of the guidance counsellor's office and said my name, and I heard “Come in” from inside.


Once again, opening the door, I say, “Excuse me.”


I opened the door to find Mr.
Kobayashi, the guidance counsellor, sitting with his arms folded on a table set in the middle of the room.


The intimidating presence of Mr.
Kobayashi made my spine tense, as it always does.
Perhaps it was because I had something to be guilty of.


I wonder how many times I have come here.
I am often called in for individual interviews with homeroom teachers and guidance counsellors, perhaps because I am considered a serious problem child because I always write vague things on my application form.
Today, too, I was handed a note at the morning assembly that said, “Please come to the guidance office after school,” and while suppressing the urge to sigh, I went there immediately after the end of the school day.


“Sit down there.”




I sit down across from him with a downcast look on my face.


Kobayashi Sensei is the math teacher who coaches the kendo club and is famous for being strict and scary.
The actual “I'm not a fan of the way you do it,” he said, “but I'm not a fan of the way you do it either.


He would say, “So, it's been a month since your last interview.
Have you found something you want to do?

“I'm sorry ……, I haven't found anything yet.
I'm still at …….


I silently suppress the urge to say, “There's no way I'll find something in a month or so.


For me, dreams and goals for the future are so far away that they are not so easy to find, and I think I may never find them.


But in this school, students like me, who have no idea what college or department they want to go to, are in the minority.
I sighed in my heart as I stared at the scratches on my desk, “I'm the one who's crazy.


“Still haven't decided?”


The pr

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