North x Northwest

“responsive ” data-format= ”standard ” data-init= ”false ”>

“I thought you would stop deceiving yourself in front of me, so why did you go back to being so stubborn again?”

“Don’t just talk ambiguously about the things that you think you know.
Explain it properly.
Otherwise, you’ll never get the answer you want.”

“At that time, you’re the one who asked!”

“…”

“You asked if I wouldn’t mind regardless of who you are.
You wouldn’t ask that if you didn’t want to go back to how we used to be.
So I gave you my honest answer.”

“…”

“And even though you only silently smiled… Weren’t you the happiest you’d ever been? How can you say you don’t care about me when you were so happy you nearly cried? There’s no reason to hold back in front of me.
You feel at ease, right?”

“…”

“You said you hadn’t been sleeping well, but didn’t you sleep so well just now?”

“…”

“Or, could it be that everyone else gave you the same answer, so there really is no difference between me and them?”

“…”

Lil avoided his piercing gaze.
Her heart pounded violently, and with her breath caught in her throat, she pressed down her chest. 

‘Since when is it that easy for him to see through me? I… don’t remember… There isn’t a single mistake in his words and he knows it.
But I can’t give him the answer… The moment I do, I’ll lose the little control I still have…’

It felt like a stiff wooden pole pierced her heart.

“Your heart knows the truth so well that it shows you everything.
So why can’t you say it out loud? Are you afraid that it will all disappear once you open your mouth?”

“…”

Lil fumbled with the necklace under her shirt.
Its round curve touched her fingertips.
Even though not a word was said about it, she somehow felt compelled to check it.
The feeling that it could fall off at any moment, was terrifying.

“The reason you asked me is obvious…”

“…”

Their gazes locked.
Ed had been staring at Lil for quite some time now as if he was waiting to get her attention.

“You want me to see you for your true self.”

“Stop it.”

“But you’re still living while deceiving yourself, what’s this if not deception?”

“…”

“Whomever you are now and who you were in the past, you want to return to your original self.
But right now, you’re hiding in a different shell for convenience or whatever… I know it all, so don’t make those futile efforts in front of me.
Tell me the truth.”

Lil staggered back and muttered.

“…No.
What the hell are you talking about…”

A gust of wind blew through Mortu’s tightly closed castle.
In there, Lil was swept around aimlessly.
She realised it was the kind of wind that didn’t just tickle her heart, but shook her entire core.

‘What the hell I’m I supposed to do? When Serlio is just around the corner… If I agree with him now, what will happen to the castle? Won’t it collapse? Won’t the whole land be uprooted?’

With Mortu as its owner, Lil had no authority to decide on such a grand ending.
But Ed, who didn’t know that, continued to talk.

“I’ll ask you one last time, don’t you feel like you’re overlooking something really, really important?”

“…”

Lil hid her tongue away.

“How can you put me in this position and not be aware of it?”

“…”

She simply couldn’t answer.

“Admit it.
You want to be yourself in front of me.”

“…”

“And you know you can do that.
That feeling isn’t something you have in front of an ‘ordinary sailor’.
In one way or another, you think of me as special.”

“I don’t love you…”

“It doesn’t have to be love.
It doesn’t matter.
It’s not like I want to be by your side in that form.”

“…”

Lil’s heart raced toward her neck, making even breathing painful.

‘So far, there’s only one thing Ed’s after.
He wants my approval… Approval, that I don’t downplay his significance in my life.
But I can never give it…’

Her and Cesar’s world would shatter if she did that.
Lil was fully aware that she’s already been shaken too much. 

‘It doesn’t have to be love? That may be the case for him, but not for me… Even if it isn’t love, his wind will always be blowing.
Like a gust of wind.
Even if I don’t want to, being around him has an effect on me that I can’t ignore… Who wouldn’t want to fully step into that wind if they had the chance? Won’t my desire grow? Everything is self-evident…’

Lil bit her lip to retain herself from answering. 

‘If this goes on any longer, it will become dangerous.’

“We’re running out of time.
I really want to know your feelings before this shallow relationship ends…”