North x Northwest

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“..!”

His dilated pupils drift between anger and patience.
It seemed that he needed time to fathom Lil’s shocking treachery.
Seeing those emotions from the man looking down on her, her heart ached even more, making her feel like she was the criminal who committed a crime.
The words she had been forging and sharpening without hesitation, seemed to have stabbed Cesar right in the face. 

‘The face that has been radiating nothing but warmth for years and showed a smile every time our eyes met, looks…’

“Does it even make sense to say you lost it when you’re well aware of the League’s circumstances? Is there any reason why you think I shouldn’t read the letter? Huh? Is that why you lost it? What the hell was on there? Why did you do that? Why…”

“…”

Cesar roughly grabbed one of the wrists that was clinging to his collar.
He squeezed it so tightly that it felt like he was about to crush the back of her hand.

“Where’s the pigeon?”

“…”

Despite it all, Lil persisted in her interrogation.

“Did you dispose of the pigeon, too? Why? Destroying military assets is a felony under Imperial law.
You shouldn’t have done that.
Or did you send it back? Is it going back to the fleet? Then what?”

Cesar stood motionless, still holding Lil’s hand.
The back of Lil’s hand became white and numb.
Eventually, that same dull pain travelled to her chest, neck, and head.
However, Cesar remained unresponsive and it was putting her on edge.
She hoped he would be equally angry for her show of unsatisfying defiance and defence of Ed.
But soon her anger started to sooth out by the calmness she faced, even if she didn’t like it.
However, Lil didn’t want her anger to die out.
So, in one way or another, she attempted to fight against the silence.
She was about to open her mouth again when…

“…Why… Why are you asking me this?”

“You know why.”

“I know you aren’t the kind of person who does this without a good reason.”

“Reason? You mean the same reason you used when you casually lost the message?”

Lil’s sarcastic remark stiffened his relaxed eyes.

“Liloa.
Calm down.”

“…”

The voice warning her was as low as an echo in the deep sea.
The temperature of the sea floor, which had never seen the sunlight, hit her ears coldly.

“Why do you keep asking me this when you already know the answer?”

“I can only think of two reasons why such an important piece of evidence would disappear.
Either it’s due to carelessness, or you’re trying to cover something up.
I simply can’t associate you with the former.”

“Then, are you saying that it’s the latter? How can you say this to me?”

“I asked you a question.
Answer it.”

“I guess you don’t believe in me anymore…”

Lil knew exactly what Cesar wanted.
It was the absolute faith she’s had for him so far.
He wanted her to show it to him again this time.
Don’t ask, move on.
Whatever the truth was, it didn’t matter anymore.
Because tacit acquiescence has always been the foundation of their relationship.
It has always been the truth for both of them.

But Lil couldn’t accept Ed’s fate in this way.
Lil was supposed to be in charge of the interrogation.
As captain, she had to personally investigate Ed’s story, determine his motivations, and then sentence him.
If the verdict came out as guilty they should’ve extracted as much information from him as they could.
But in the end Lil had never been a moment alone with Ed.
She was afraid Cesar’s watchful eyes would cause her to stumble while speaking with Ed. 

‘And because I didn’t, Courant took matters into his own hands and conducted his own interrogation in a manner he only saw and heard of… I should’ve stood up to Cesar no matter how angry he was.
I shouldn’t have allowed my role as the Captain to be overshadowed by Cesar’s role as my lover.
Because Cesar didn’t allow me, I ended up making a terrible choice, making me a pathetic human being… I ended up denying my inner desire to prove Ed’s innocence… Or did I unknowingly want to prove that I held no special feelings for him?

It was I who emphasised fairness to Ed by citing my beliefs about natural laws.
But when that true test of fairness called for me, I simply ignored it to the point of burying my own rhetoric.
If he was no different from the others, I should’ve treated him the same way as the others.
It was pathetic of me for being harsher, especially as I only acted that way to him.
And now, I can’t believe someone died because of me…’

Lil was the only one who could correct her own blunder.
It was a mistake that happened on her Bell Rock and no matter how its society was crumbling down, the Bell Rock was still the Bell Rock to Lil.

“It’s not that I don’t want to believe you.
I just want to check the contents of the message properly.”

“…I’ll ask again.
Do you believe the doctor or me?”