North x Northwest

oor judgement?’

“It’s clear that the doctor was dangerous.
Don’t try to deny it.
The fact that a crewmember communicated with the Navy without the Captain’s knowledge is sufficient reason for his isolation.
We don’t even know who sent him, right? In addition, we don’t know if there were any special motives for him being here, but as in most cases, there’s no need to go above and beyond to get to the truth.
Don’t let this confuse you.
Whatever the reason behind the message, you only have to focus on the fact that it happened.
There’s no need to investigate his circumstances.”

“But he never stopped insisting on his innocence.
He tried to call for me and reach out to me so that he could prove his innocence.
Why do you think that is?”

“It’s nothing but love.”

Cesar stood his ground.
It felt like a warning for her not to lie anymore.
Irritation and confinement exploded in an instant, and Lil shouted.

“It’s not love! Please! Stop this ridiculous misunderstanding!”

“Before you get so fed up, don’t you feel any compassion for me who had no choice but to show such ugly emotions? Do you have any idea what kind of self-loathing I’ve been suffering from and how long I’ve been tormented by it? Rather than contempt me, why don’t you comfort me when you’re the one responsible for making me feel this way?”

“I’m sorry if I misunderstood you! But I really…”

“You think it will all be okay if you say you’re sorry?”

“What are you talking about?”

Cesar approached her.
Confused, Lil wanted to take a step back, but her back soon hit the desk.
Due to the impact, the scattered paper crumpled with a crisp sound.
Cesar, who was now close enough to touch her body, cupped Lil’s face.
Although she twisted her body momentarily, she couldn’t get out.

“I’m the only one who can hold you and kiss you.”

“..!”

As if to prove that he meant what he said, his thumb pressed her lips.
Lil belatedly tried to turn her head away. 

‘…No, don’t force me to do this!…’

However, her cry only reached the top of her throat.
Cesar was unwaveringly stubborn.
With the hand that covered almost half of her face, he made sure that Lil would face him straight.

“So why am I jealous of someone who has never seen you like this… or has he?”

“..!”

At some point, the red eyes that had been burning like flames turned wet.
Clear tears welled up against the bloodshot white background.
Startled, Lil stopped the hand that she had stretched out to shake him off.
But despite seeing such a shocked Lil, Cesar didn’t back down.

“Do you know that when you’re surprised, you unintendedly avert your gaze? You always try to hide it, but do you really think I wouldn’t be aware of all the times you are too stunned to speak? Can you truly apologise for all these things you’re desperately trying to hide?”

“…”

Even though his breathing became faster and faster, Cesar never attempted to control his breath.
Lil grew uncomfortable by the sight she saw for the first time, the rising sadness pushed away the tension that had been in the air and suddenly, it poured down disastrously.
A man named Cesar was on the verge of bursting into tears.

“What the hell am I to you? Why do you neglect me like this? Sometimes you don’t even seem to care what happens to me.
Is that really true?”

“Cesar, no… ugh, don’t cry… please don’t be like this.
You’re wrong.”

“…”

It was unknown who moved first.
Lil, who placed her other hand on Cesar’s shoulder, or Cesar who removed the hand holding Lil’s face.
Cesar, torn down by Lil, buried his head on her shoulder.
But even though she began to feel wetness on her shirt near the nape of her neck, Lil merely stood there, unable to hug him or push him away.
Instead, she used this moment to prepare her explanation.

“Ed… He had a unique understanding of the world.
That was new and I sometimes wonder about that kind of perspective.
I found it all fascinating.
Talking to him was like reading a book that I liked for a second time.
How can such a simple motive of mine be love?”

“Why can’t it be love?”

“Because…”

‘Does love easily bloom like that? Then why is my heart still so quiet? Even after so many years…”

Lil closed her mouth.
She couldn’t answer because she didn’t know. 

‘I only know love as this complicated and grandiose thing…’

Unable to explain the concept that she didn’t even understand properly, Lil bit her lip.

Cesar slipped out of her arms as he pushed Lil away.

“You really don’t know anything…”