North x Northwest

ad unit name: Banner –>

“Then why can’t I feel that you love me? Whenever you said you love me, whenever you kissed me, you may have been thinking to yourself that it was love…”

“…”

“Actually, I never liked it.
What I want is for us to be happy together.
I certainly don’t want to enjoy this relationship alone… I stopped asking about your feelings because you always seemed to be struggling.
I had no choice but to believe you.
Who else on the planet wished to believe that as much as I did? That’s how I lived, holding on to that belief.
But in the meantime I was worried that a day like today might come.
A day where I would realise how bad things have been for you…”

“…”

“Still, I held out hope and kept quiet.
Knowing you would try too hard otherwise… That’s why I had you promise me one thing.
To choose me.
I thought that if I did that, things would be different and I could stop feeling so disgusted with myself.
I thought that if you really loved me, you shouldn’t be able to say no, right?”

Cesar, who had been spewing out words nonstop, finally caught his breath.
He started to cough as though he was having an upset stomach.
Lil felt more and more sorry for him.
It was unbearable for her to see the helpless side of this man who has always been upright and neat.
She pitied Cesar as he was lost in his agony and struggled to pull himself together.

After a while, Cesar, who had his face buried in his hands, suddenly raised his head.
The navigator’s face looked as thin as a corpse.
What was even more disturbing was seeing his clean shirt stained with blood.
Confused by her sudden hallucinations, Lil looked around her.
As soon as she did, Mortu disappeared from the corner.
Startled, she looked around her some more in a hurry.
But she could only find her own shadow falling over the desk.
Her eyes quickly scanned the rest of the cabin before they reached Cesar…

An inaudible scream came out. 

The God of Death was standing right behind him.
Black smoke tightened around Cesar’s neck.
Mortu’s giant scythe dug through his chest, cutting out Cesar’s heart.
Flesh splattered and blood spurted.
Then, a living, beating heart was pushed out toward Lil.

“Ah… N, No…”

While accepting the bloody lump, her hand slipped and the heart fell with a squeaky sound.
Lil lowered her gaze.
Pulsating hearts were scattered all around her feet and grotesque bloodstains dyed the floor red.
So far, Lil thought she had only been looking at a pile of hearts, but it seemed now that Cesar’s flesh and blood were added to it.
Seeing the skin getting torn off, Lil was made aware of the pain.
It was a pain so intense it made the torn flesh spasm till it had no more blood to spurt and no more life left.
Only then was the last beat finally let out…

‘…I can’t even fathom how painful it must have been… I never thought he’s been in this much pain.
All this time, he’s been bleeding and agony has been digging into his flesh.
How could I not have noticed? I’ve been so focused on taking care of my own wounds that I failed to see his… I never knew that loving me would be so painful for Cesar…’

 – Bam! Bam! … Bam! Bam! – 

“…Captain, Captain! Are you there? It’s urgent!..”

Lil, who escaped from her hallucination, reflexively shouted.

“Wait a sec!”

In the meantime, Cesar had taken a seat on his bed.
He rubbed his face and wiped away the traces of his tears.
His reddish face never looked her way.

“Go ahead.”

“No.
I’ll send him away if it’s nothing.”

“…”

As if the flow of their conversation had already been cut off, Cesar didn’t answer.
Lil walked up to him and stretched out her hand, but Cesar snatched away the hand that was about to land on his shoulder.
After briefly thinking about it, he got up and led her to the door.
Lil, who had been agonising about what to say, turned to Cesar while her hand was placed on the doorknob.

“…I’ll stay here.
You’re having a hard time right now.”

“You don’t have to.
You don’t have to be so caring.”

“…You are important to me.”

“I’ve already spoken my mind.
What’s the use of telling me this, now that this conversation is over?”

“I hurt you… I’m sorry.
My thoughts were too tactless, I’m always lacking, and it’s been hard for you.
I feel so pathetic, frustrated, and hate myself for hurting you… Seeing you break down like that… it makes me go crazy…”

Cesar didn’t accept Lil’s apology, instead, he muttered as if to brush off any remaining resentment.

“…It seems as if this one single mistake of mine has let you define my whole being, but how many times have his faults been forgiven?..”

“That’s not…”

Clearly exhausted, Cesar sighed and grabbed the doorknob.
As soon as he opened the door, he pushed Lil’s back. 

The sailor who was waiting in front of them shouted straight away.

“Captain! We spotted Legardon’s sail!”