Please, Divorce Me

Warning: Heavy themes.
I added the possibly triggering themes at the bottom of the chapter, so read it first if you don’t mind getting spoiled.

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“That child went to the florist and met the employees of Countess Harden.
I happened to hear them talking…”

“You did?”

My fingertips trembled, and I could almost hear my heartbeat at how much it raced.
My body was still responding to the name ‘Harden.’

Lil took a deep breath and closed her eyes. 

“The Duke is staying at the Countess’ mansion…”

“What…?” As soon as I asked the question, I burst into short, unstable breaths.

It couldn’t be.

Bring Yuri.
She must have heard wrong.
What did they talk about–words I wanted to say just wandered in my head but refused to come out of my mouth.
No matter how hard I tried, I only continued to gasp and catch my breath.

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In the end, I buried my face in my hands and sobbed.
My body staggered as if it was about to collapse, but I struggled to straighten my body. 

“M-Madam…”

“What do we do, Lil?”

With my eyes closed, I could hear Mars shuffling her feet.
Lil knelt on the bedside and looked up at me.

“I’ll call the doctor.”

“…”

Lil must have recognized that the situation was serious when I didn’t answer, and she hurriedly stood up. 

Then, just as Lil started walking away,  I put my exasperated emotions into my voice and said, “Everything you just said, do you know you can be held accountable whether it’s true or not?”

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Lil turned around, eyes wide.
Mas’s shoulders started trembling at my words, and Lil looked away as if conflicted.
Then, a moment later, she looked back at me, her expression determined, and answered, “Yes.”

If she knew that and still told me what she just said, it wouldn’t be just baseless hearsay.
Even so, I still didn’t know if it was true. 

“Get out.”

“B-but…” Mas hesitated, staring at my complexion.
I didn’t have to look in the mirror to know my condition– disheveled hair, unfocused eyes, a pale face, and trembling lips.
My vision turned dark, and I fought to keep my eyes open. 

I gripped the bed linen and bowed down.
“Call Laura.”

“Yes, I will,” Lil bowed and grabbed Mas’s wrist, dragging her out of the bedroom. 

Click–.

As soon as the door closed, my body twisted into the bed.
I didn’t have any strength left.

“Ah…” I groaned and struggled in pain.
A while ago, I had felt a slight discomfort in my abdomen, but now it heightened to excruciating pain as if someone was squeezing my organs.

“Ugh.”

I gripped my stomach with both hands as I swallowed a moan.
I struggled to breathe, and soon, tears began to fall and wet the bed. 

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I couldn’t erase the image of Kyle and Hari together in my mind. No.
He couldn’t.
They must have heard wrong.

I wanted to call Yuri to check the facts, but I didn’t have the physical or mental space to do that.

“Madam!” 

I could hear Laura’s voice in the distance. 

“Lil, Mas! Call a doctor now!” Laura held me in her arms as she screamed, but I could barely hear it from the ringing in my ear. 

Only one thing plagued my mind– What if their words were true, what if he went to Hari?

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“Madam!”

‘No, not me.
It doesn’t matter what happened to me.
Just the child.
Just my baby,’ I thought just before I passed out.
Please don’t be cruel to my child, Kyle.
I let go of my dark thoughts and lost consciousness.

“Madam…”

“Laura, what did you just say?”

“I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry, Madam.”

“Don’t just apologize.
Say it properly.” I grabbed Laura’s shoulders and shook her.
My grip was so firm that I had almost forgotten how weak I was a while ago. 

Shortly after I opened my eyes, Laura suddenly said something unbelievable.
I almost laughed at how absurd it was.

Laura continued to apologize, not giving me the answer I wanted. 

I lost my baby? Me? When I got off the bed, I only noticed that I was wearing a different outfit than a while ago.

Everything was the same; only the clothes were different.
Everything’s the same…

“No, no.”

I rubbed my clothes with my palm as I tried to look for something.
I lifted my clothes, looked at the bed, threw the pillows, then I took my trembling hand to my stomach.

I stroked my stomach and babbled words even I couldn’t understand– whether I was saying my name, Kyle, or God. 

For a moment, I swallowed my incoherent noises. 

I have to go.
I’ll have to go to the Harden mansion to see for myself.

“I’m going.”

I crawled out of bed and groaned.
My vision remained blurry due to vertigo, and my body felt like lead.
Why was it so hard to reach the door? My body refused to follow my mind. 

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“Madam, where are you going?”

I managed to croak out, “To the Harden mansion.”

Laura supported me and tried to usher me back to bed, but I pushed her away.

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I didn’t know whether it was day or night or whether I was still on earth or in heaven.
I didn’t even know how to leave this place and go to the Harden mansion.
But I had to go.

“I want to go to the Countess of Harden… I have to…”

“You can’t.”

Suddenly, Takan opened the door and appeared.
Takan, who looked bigger than usual, blocked me from leaving the room.
I glared at him before trying to move again.

“Get out of my way.”

“You need to rest…”

“I have to see it with my own eyes!” I trembled and screamed.
The sound that came out of me didn’t seem like it was mine.
“I have to…”

My sobs turned into hiccups.
Still trembling, I raised my hand and held on to Takan.

“Please, please,” I muttered, leaning on him.

Not long after, I heard a voice that seemed to be holding back, “I’ll take you there.”

After that, everything else was a blur.
All I remember was leaning on someone and climbing into the saddle of a horse.
The view shook to the point of making me dizzy.

“We’ve arrived.”

When I was young, I wanted to travel on horseback.
Whenever the thought of abandoning Father and running away came to me, I suppressed it, saying I shouldn’t, and endured.
I would then imagine I was an adult and would go on a trip with a friend.

Did my imagination come true?

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I only came to my senses when we arrived at the Harden mansion.

I didn’t want to come to this place on horseback.

Takan got off the horse, held my waist, and brought me to the ground with ease.
When I lost my balance and staggered, Takan grabbed my shoulder. 

I looked around and only realized where I was after the cold wind hit my face.
It finally sunk in what I was thinking and what I did. 

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Yes, I’ve gone crazy.
I’ve lost a child and gone crazy.
My actions insulted not only Kyle but also Hari.
It’s already over between them. 

Kyle said he was coming, so he’ll be back soon.

I shook my head, blaming myself.
Feeling calmer, I tapped the back of Takan’s hand that was holding my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Takan.
Let’s go back.”

Yes, maybe it was better not to see anything.

I had to hold on to the last hope.
The hope that if God hadn’t abandoned me, I wouldn’t lose my child and Kyle.

The hope that Lil and Mas simply hated me and told a horrendous lie.

“Madam.”

 At that moment, I heard Takan’s sharp inhale.
The sound made my heart drop to the floor. 

I should go back.
But contrary to my thoughts, my body moved first.
My gaze rose and remained glued to a particular direction.

There were Kyle and Hari, talking a walk in the garden dimly lit by servants holding lamps.
I stared as the two of them stood face-to-face, smiling.
There was nothing in their way.

TW: Miscarriage, panic attack, mental breakdown

Not gonna lie… I was dreading translating this chapter when I first skimmed through it.