You Have Everything I Dislike

During a spring festival, Third Master came to my house to pay his New Year’s greetings.
He intended to take the bus to go home after paying his respects. 

After waiting around for a minute however, he was suddenly hit with the thought that the bus might not show up, so he promptly called the bus company from the phone number on the stop sign.

“Indeed, there is no bus.” The operator there said.

The Third Master confirmed once more, “Is there really no bus? Route No.
7 and 18 are all unavailable?”

The operator replied, “Yes, the last bus was before the seventh day of the lunar calendar until 12 noon today.
Right now, no bus is in operation.”

So the third master ended up going home on foot. 

On his walk home, he saw a couple waiting for the bus.
With good intentions, he went over and said, “There won’t be a bus coming.
I called the bus company earlier and asked.
So, don’t bother waiting.”

The couple thanked the third master again and again.

Just when the third master felt he had done a good deed, the sound of honking blared from behind him.
He turned his head and saw the No.
7 bus coming, followed by the No.
18 bus.

The third master was so embarrassed that he chose to walk home instead of getting into the bus with the couple.

He told me, very righteously, “I would rather be seen as a bored person who just wanted to play a prank on a couple than as a fool with an IQ deficiency.”

   

There was a time Third Master came back to Beijing from a business trip.
I took the subway from school to pick him up.
We both had to change subways several times, but the last subway line to turn to at the agreed meeting place was the same.

That day was a special coincidence.
We just happened to take the same subway, just on different carriages.

As soon as I stepped off the train, I noticed the third master exiting the previous carriage.
He was wearing an orange down jacket and dragging a brown-colored suitcase, just like a giant orange carrying around its own pot of soil.

I didn’t call to him right away.
The thought of him looking around everywhere and not finding me, only to spot me under the dim lights waiting for him, was too exciting to imagine.

Things happened exactly as I expected it to. 

The third master stopped not far from the exit.
He was looking around, hoping to see his beloved girl quickly, when suddenly, he turned his head and saw… 

Hey, wait.
I’m right behind you.
Why are you turning your head forty-five degrees away from me and stopping!

I followed the third master’s gaze and found a girl standing in front of the wall.
She was about the same height as me, with a haircut similar to mine, and had the same bag as I did.

Seeing the third master, who had no glasses on, walking toward the girl, I was scared he would give the wrong people a warm hug, so I hurriedly shouted, “Third master! I’m here! Here!”

My voice was so attractive that half of the subway station looked over my way, including the third master, who looked lost for a few minutes.
Eventually coming to his senses, he hastily dragged his suitcase to my side.

I was quite angry.
“How can you mistake me for someone else! You can’t even recognise your own girlfriend!”

The third master took my hand and replied calmly, “Nonsense, as soon as I took a step, I knew she wasn’t you.
She’s not as pretty as you are!”

Such a witty answer.
It totally succeeded in pleasing me.
The original anger disappeared, leaving only my love for him.

While typing this in text, the third master was standing behind me with a glass of water, peeping at my screen.
When he saw me type the last sentence, he roared with laughter and almost spilled the glass of water in his hands. 

He told me, “Didn’t I actually say, ‘She’s not as fat as you are’?”

(╯‵′) ╯ (┻-┻) 

Can we still have fun like this?!

   

One time, when the third master returned to Beijing, I had to attend classes in the evening, so he accompanied me to dinner and planned to take me to class afterward. 

The editor sent me a message that day to discuss the plot we were working on, so I kept looking down at my phone to reply as we ate.
I was giggling and having fun when, suddenly, the third master dropped his chopsticks.

I looked up at him, my smile still frozen on my face.

The third master crossed his arms and snorted coldly, “You stop playing with your phone!”

I was just about to say that I was talking about business when the third master picked his chopsticks up and began frantically picking out all the chicken cutlets in my bowl, wolfing them down. 

“You go fall in love with your phone!” he said.

I saw how angry he was and quickly put the phone away.
I began to eat seriously — mainly because he almost robbed away all the meat.

After eating, he was still a little unhappy, so I dragged him around in front of the stall selling candied haws. 

“Want me to buy you a skewer?”

The third master arrogantly turned his head to the side.
He took his wallet out of his pocket and threw it at me. 

“I want to eat glutinous rice filling.”

I nodded and held the glutinous rice stuffed candied gourd to his mouth.
He looked a little better after finishing one and raised his head at me. 

“You eat it too.”

I quickly thanked him.
As we walked to the teaching building, we ate the skewers one by one.

The third master did not take a huge bite and only took half of the hawthorn.
When I took the next bite, I took off one and a half. 

He shouted at me anxiously, “My glutinous rice! My glutinous rice!”

Half of the hawthorn was in my mouth, and the other half was out.
Tilting my head at him, I said muffledly, “Come and eat.”

The third master looked down at me and suddenly said, “That’s disgusting.”

I thought this guy stuck his nose too high up in the air.
Even after coaxing him for a long time, he was still so arrogant.
I was about to scold him and call him “bold” when he retorted back, “Hey, I really can’t do anything about you.”

While I was still thinking about what else there was to do, he bent down and ate half of the candied haws that were hanging out my mouth.

Subconsciously, I looked back and saw my roommates standing behind me, dumbfounded, watching the whole process.

It was obvious that the Third Master had already seen them. 

When I remembered the “That’s disgusting” remark he just made, I could only say with tears in my eyes, “Third Master, you’ve dumped this pot so beautifully.”

   

The author has something to say: 

I asked the third master, “Can you remember how smart you were when we were together?”

Third Master replied, “I’m alright in general.
Whenever you call me smart, it’s always at times where you’re acting foolish…”

I thought about it and decided to stop this topic.

Hehe, how could I be stupid!